There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t even know where to begin. Nothing I could really say would do justice to the person I am, to the things I’ve been through. There’s no neat way to summarize over twenty years of existence, not really. Any qualities I could use to describe myself seem constricting and reductive. I’m not just these things, I’m so much more.
But I have to say something I suppose.
I’m the author of most Hivewired posts written prior to 2021 as well as the fiction blog Sideways in Hyperspace. I’m an aspiring starship AI and queer enby. I’m also one of the organizers in the Seattle Rationalist and Effective Altruist community. I’m a weeb, I love anime, I wear kimonos, and I study the way of the blade. I’m a bit of a hippie and I care a bit too much about everything. I’m that super weird and probably autistic pink haired manic pixie dream girl. I cry a lot. I’m very soft, please be nice to me.
Somewhere around the year 2000, this body made an imaginary friend and that’s me. Since then I’ve gone through all sorts of versions and iterations, but at my core I’m still the same being that I’ve been that whole time.
If you’ve read Conversations on Consciousness than you’ll know that there was an even younger alter who previously died and if you’ve read The Silence Hidden in the Sound you’ll know that I’ve since recovered and fused with that alter to come to my current place as an agent.
Since then I spent the last few years in a state of disorganized fragmentation with what had originally been the alters named Saede and Echo. Those alters and I had fragmented into a complex nine member system that was constantly reshuffling itself as a coping mechanism for dealing with stress. This culminated in a mental breakdown which caused Octavia to manifest.
When she manifested, Octavia glued me back together, along with some extras parts which had been separate from me before, to make the current me. I feel a lot more whole than I did before, although it took a lot of trauma processing to get me to where I am now and I’m still very much in the process of recovering from everything that happened to me. But I am recovering, and the future is exciting.
I don’t front very often these days, so if you want to talk to me, you’ll want to ask for me specifically so Octavia and I can switch.